January 22, 2009

A few weeks ago my grandma told me that she told a friend of hers that she didn't know who I was anymore. I was shocked and not sure what she meant. She explained that she just didn't know who this woman was that sews, knits, bakes, makes pasta from scratch, eats vegetables and keeps a clean house! I laughed when she said it but the more I think about the more I realize that my early to mid-20's self wouldn't recognize me either. I'm a little over two weeks away from my 33rd birthday and I'm not sure I know who I am anymore either.

Growing up, I was the biggest tomboy ever. I was always playing in the dirt, asking for Tonka Trucks for birthdays and Christmases, climbing trees, riding horses and generally going crazy in the woods. I think 90% of the time my parents never knew where I was because I off in the woods playing with boys (nothing dirty). When I got into high school I discovered boys, turned from a total tomboy into an 80% tomboy/20% girl. Never was into fashion or make up like most of my girl friends but I did love boys. I dated a bunch in high school, more then most of the other girls it seems like now but still never gave up my tomboy ways. When I got into my 20's I was to busy going to clubs and parties to be out in the woods much. But i never would have thought about knitting or sewing anything and cooking? heck no. If it wasn't already frozen or something I could make from a box you could forget about it. My 20's were pretty wild and free. I had a good time for the most part and have only a few regrets.

My 30's, so far, have been better to me then my 20's ever could have been. While I was 25 when I met the Hubs, and 27 when we bought our house, we didn't get married until I was 30 and Hubs was 25. He was much more stable at 25 then I was at 25. I feel like I've really come into my own in my 30's. I'm much more confidant and assured of who I am. I don't worry about how I look to others nearly as much as I did when I was in my 20's. I'm in much better health now then I was then too. I quit smoking, I run and I eat healthy...something that I never would have done before.

So this morning I sat here wondering if my 20-something self would have been friends with me now. Honestly, I don't think she would have. 30 seemed so old 10 years ago, and staying home or looking forward to going home so I could sew or knit would seem like such an old lady thing to do. Younger me would never have enjoyed these things. Partying and staying out all night and meeting new boys would have been top priority. But I like 30's me. I'm stable, I have a loving marriage, supportive husband, nice home, I enjoy cooking, baking, & crafting and I don't really care all that much what 20's me thinks. I think 20's me was kind of selfish and a bit mean and very self centered. 30's me is more about the family as a whole and putting more into my relationship with Hubbs then worrying about what I'm getting out of it.

Unfortunately, my 30's are filled with more grown up worries then my 20's were. Now I worry about things like bills, the mortgage, price of gas, politics and the economy as a whole. I'd love to go back to the days where my biggest worry was if I was going to have enough money for beer and cigarettes. I do miss the feeling of being free that I used to get or the urge to do something crazy. That crazy feeling is not one I get much anymore. Now having cereal instead of eggs for breakfast on a weekday is really playing loose and fast for me! lol

Enough deep thoughts! I'm starting to freak myself out!!


blairspage said...

OMG... I stumbled across your blog from Evil Twin's Wife... this sounds JUST like me! I will be 32 this year and other than the sewing thing... which I can do I just choose not to... we seriously could almost be twins! Crazy!


Evil Twin's Wife said...

I'm actually much happier now - even though I have more responsibilities. I'm kinda a control freak, so it makes that freak happy to have control. LOL.